Coffee Break

He agreed to meet me at the coffee shop. The one with the cafe tables in front and the forest green velvet couches inside. He smiled when he turned to see that it was me who had made the bell ring on the front door as I entered. Hands on the small of my back...kiss on the forehead just above my sunglasses...so familiar. He smiled again at my sundress, sandals and cinnamon lipgloss. I was so in the mood for an iced latte. It was the whole reason I'd said to meet me at the coffee shop, but he knows the "old" me so well that he'd already ordered my "old" favorite--venti white mocha...a blueberry struesel muffin. I pouted and sighed, but only on the inside because the thought was so sweet. We sat outside at one of the wrought iron tables with the black umbrellas. As we talked I noticed that he still stares at me with the same intensity and adoration as he did years ago. The conversation was deep and stimulating. Two hours had gone by in a blink. Still the gentleman he walked me to my car which was only a few feet away. Hands on the small of my back (again), (another) kiss just above my sunglasses. A wave and a sexy colgate smile as I drive away from him in the parking lot. Ten minutes later....a text that makes me blush. That was my saturday morning coffee break.

...Starting With A Fresh Start

So what is it that really frightens me about relationships? I'll tell you. There are a number of things that have kept me from actively pursuing a situation deeper than a few free dinners, an occasional phonecall and "sexting". The truth of the matter is, while I feel that I'm ready and emotionally available to put my heart into another person and share pieces of my life...I fear that my feelings, my intensity, my loyalty and my dedication won't be reciprocated or matched. Don't misunderstand me though..."rejection" is not what I fear (I'm a big girl and can handle "no"). My fear is that I've seen way too many people pretend to be someone they're not in order to get what they want, whether it be love, sex, money or whatever...and as soon as the other person is open and ready and willing to give their all, the door of "I don't really give a f*** about you" is slammed in their faces. I don't want to be that person. I don't want to waste myself on men who don't know how to appreciate everything I have to offer as a woman. In recent months I've done some extensive soul searching and self evaluation and I feel like I absolutely know who I am now and what I want, expect and deserve from the people I allow into my life. I guess everyone risks a little something in the game of love so maybe I'll just take my chances and see where it leads me...I guess I should start with actually dating and getting to know some new people. Yup...time for a fresh start in the dating game. Maybe I'll even get it right. :-)

I Think I'm Ready...

So maybe it's time. Time that I sit down and ask myself some important questions about my life. I'm now at an age where things that never really mattered to me before seem to take over my thoughts. I'll start with relationships. I've been in some situations and have seen some other people's situations that have hardened me a little when it comes to relationships. At 30, I've lost my patience and tolerance for alot of the bullsh*t that goes on when I'm dealing with a person who isn't on the same page as I am mentally. I don't have time to figure people out and play a bunch of guessing games when it comes to certain things like feelings and emotions...sometimes I feel like I'm communicating with children instead of grown ass men. I mean, is it too much to ask for someone to just SAY how they feel?? Not text me, facebook me, tweet me or expect me to just read your mind. I find myself being tough and cold at times because I'm trying to protect myself from the devastation of a broken heart...but lately, I also find myself missing the closeness of a real relationship and having someone to confide in and really bonding and building with someone on a deeper level other than good conversation and sex. I feel that maybe I'm ready now because I've experienced some things and I've grown to understand some things about men and about myself that I had no clue about when I was in my past relationships. I realize that opening up too wide and giving too much too fast is dangerous and unhealthy for the soul. You have to make people earn a position in your life before you trust them with your feelings and expose all your insecurities to them beacause the wrong person will take them and use them to their advantage. I've also learned that a partnership is about 2 people and you have to be willing to compromise in situations where no one can win. I've learned many other things, but I think the most important thing I've learned is that I can't change anyone but myself...that I also can't expect anything in return but what I give. Yeah, I think I'm ready...we'll see though

Welcome Dolls...

Welcome dolls...to The Carrie Bradshaw Diary! If you're familiar with Sex In The City, then you know what this is about...if you're not...shame on YOU. The stories in this blog are about dating, relationships and the men that have been or ARE a part of my life. Get your glass of Moscato or a Cosmo and enjoy!